


lemon yogurt

by honey_butter



Series: the chronicles of cathilda the small [3]
Category: Dimension 20 (Web Series)
Genre: Asexual Riz Gukgak, Jealousy, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, Pining, more development for rizs ex from kid fic because he lives rent free in my head
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-03
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-15 22:08:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29815113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/honey_butter/pseuds/honey_butter
Summary: “Master,” The Hangman grumbled as soon as he got out of the store, “What is the matter?”“Derik,” Fabian spit, using all of the vitriol and anger that had been welling up inside of him while he picked out a bland, Derik-approved brand offucking lemon yogurt? That isn’t even a real thing?He didn’t even really have a spit-able name, “Derik” wasn’t really something you could fill with menace, but Fabian would try. Oh, he would try.Before babies and addressing their feelings, Riz had a painfully normal boyfriend and Fabian had a painfully large crush.
Relationships: Riz Gukgak/Fabian Aramais Seacaster, Riz Gukgak/Original Male Character
Series: the chronicles of cathilda the small [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2120820
Comments: 4
Kudos: 74
Collections: Dimension 20 Alphabet 2021





	lemon yogurt

**Author's Note:**

> hi!! wrote this up really fast last night for today's d20 alphabet prompt: jealousy!!
> 
> very quick warning that fabian does get worried that some of riz's involvement with derik is non-consensual, but it all gets hashed out and was consensual the whole time.

Only two weeks after Fabian got back from his latest six month job, he had to go to the grocery store _all by himself_ because Riz’s dumb, little, Gilear-wannabe boyfriend was over.

“I told you yesterday, Fabian,” Riz had said, shutting down his whining before he’d even opened his mouth. “I’m having dinner with Derik. Also, make sure you get milk when you go to the store.”

So Fabian had to traipse around the Fantasy Whole Foods all on his own, thinking about how Derik had arrived at their door with his stupid plain brown hair and his stupid nerdy glasses and his stupid everything that Riz was apparently just fine with dating. Derik who had a different sudoku book for each day of the week and a normal car instead of a Hangman. Derik who liked Chobani greek yogurt and, apparently, taking Riz away from the hallowed duty of accompanying Fabian on grocery trips. Derik who was a journalist like Riz but couldn’t even lift a ream of papers on his own. Derik who was a complete and utter nobody compared to everything Fabian had ever learned to value.

“Master,” The Hangman grumbled as soon as he got out of the store, and, okay, maybe Derik’s stupid actual car wasn’t that stupid when you have groceries to transport. “What is the matter?”

“Derik,” Fabian spit, using all of the vitriol and anger that had welled up inside of him while he picked out a bland, Derik-approved brand of _fucking lemon yogurt?_ _That isn’t even a real thing?_ He didn’t even really have a spit-able name, “Derik” wasn’t really something you could fill with menace, but Fabian would try. Oh, he would try.

The Hangman growled, “Oh, yes. _Derik._ I will grind his bones to dust, I will spit on the graves of his ancestors and laugh in the faces of his children.”

“Please don’t bring up Derik’s _children,_ Hangman,” Fabian groaned, jury rigging the last of the bags to the bike and swinging on.

Derik and children made Fabian think of Derik and Riz, at home and eating dinner alone right now. Derik and Riz, moving in together and leaving Fabian all alone in his too big apartment. Derik and Riz, adopting a guinea pig and then maybe a dog and then a whole hoard of small, nerdy children. The slightly sick feeling from earlier was back in full force. Fabian’s chest and stomach hurt, like someone had stuck a spoon in him and scooped all of his insides out, a spoon that was normally used for lemon fucking yogurt, even though he knew all of those imagined scenarios weren’t Riz. He wouldn’t abandon Fabian like that, no matter how his relationship with Derik developed. But knowing that and feeling like it was true were two entirely different things.

“It is not too late to challenge Derik to a duel, Master. The Ball will not be able to resist you once you hold his paramour’s decapitated head.”

“Hangman. _No._ We have discussed how decapitation is off limits.”

The Hangman grumbled some more, “Well. I can decapitate Derik if you are too much of a—”

_“Hangman.”_

The engine rumbled, and they drove in silence for a few minutes. Then, “Master. I am sorry. I would not decapitate without your approval.”

“Thank you, Hangman.”

“But Derik sucks.”

“Yes he does.”

“He fucking _sucks.”_

“He _sucks.”_

They went back and forth like that for the rest of the way home, until Fabian patted the Hangman on the handlebar, collected all of the bags in his arms, and started up for his apartment. The kid at the store over packed the bags, and even with Fabian’s crazy strength it was still too much to carry, so he was all sweaty and gross by the time he arrived at the apartment’s door.

_This’ll be fun,_ he thought, depositing nearly all of the bags unceremoniously on the floor outside of the apartment before breaking out his newly improved dex store and stealthing in.

Usually. Usually, Fabian slammed around as much as possible when Derik was over—banging through doorways and getting in his space. That hadn’t worked, though, because Derik was still around a year later. Over his months away, Fabian had devised a new Derik Begone plan, a plan that involved taking a couple of leaves out of Riz’s own book.

Fabian got three steps into the apartment before realizing just how much of a mistake this was.

Riz and Derik were on the couch, and Fabian wished he could say they were sitting but they’re _not._ They were _horizontal._ On his _couch._ And they were _kissing._ On his _couch._

Derik’s hands were tangled up in Riz’s hair, not exactly pulling but not just holding him either, and he was kissing down the length of Riz’s neck. From his position near the door, Fabian could see a little smile on The Ball’s face, and the way his hands were fisted in the back of Derik’s shirt.

Derik and his stupid fucking short sleeve button ups, his stupid little glasses that were on the table now so he could kiss The Ball better, his stupid too short haircut that did nothing to accentuate his extremely few redeemable features.

Riz tipped Derik’s head up to him, and Fabian watched as they kissed each other on the mouth, a little messy and off center.

If Fabian stayed here any longer he might be sick, might throw up all over the carpet he’d just barely cleaned with The Ball’s help. If Fabian stayed here any longer he might rip his hair out.

Fabian ducked back out of the room, shut the door, picked up the groceries, and slammed into the apartment hard enough to leave a dent in the wall.

“The Ball, you should’ve seen, a lady with gum in her hair tried to recommend me coffee creamer. _Gum._ In her _hair.”_ He practically shouted, steadfastly not looking at the couch until he’d thrown all of the groceries in the kitchen.

Riz and Derik were sitting now, all proper, but the cowlick Riz spent thirty minutes every morning smoothing down was standing straight up and Derik was squinting funnily without his glasses.

“How awful,” Riz said, drily.

Maybe Fabian was making up how rough his voice was, but it still made his blood run cold and the sick feeling in his stomach grow anyway.

“How was your dinner?” He tried to put as much distaste as he could into the question, but it just sounded vaguely dizzy.

“Fabes, are you okay?” And goddammit, Riz was too insightful for his own good.

“‘M fine.”

“Are you sure? You’re looking a little pale.”

“I’m _fine,_ The Ball. Unload your fucking gorceries,” Fabain snapped, storming away to his room. “Please,” he added in after thought on his way.

Right before he shut his door, he heard Derik whisper, “Should I go?” And that was just too nice, that was just too much like fucking Derik, that Fabian made sure not to slam his door shut behind him, just to let them know how upset he actually was.

He wound up pouting in his room like a hormonal preteen, hungry and debating whether or not he would allow himself to stoop low enough to steal one of Derik’s lemon yogurts. Instead of manning up and walking into his own kitchen, he sat around and felt sorry for himself, running through all the missed opportunities he’d passed up before Derik became involved in The Ball’s life. He pouted and he felt sorry and then he started to think about what he’d seen, actually think about it, and the sick feeling in his stomach doubled.

They were sophomores in college and Riz was sitting on his bed, hands twisted together in a nervous knot. They were sophomores in college and Riz looked Fabian in the eye and said, “I’m asexual.”

“...Okay.”

“I don’t. I don’t get it. Sex. I mean. I get it, obviously. I understand it. I don’t get how you could want it.”

Fabian had sat down on the bed next to him, not touching but there, if he needed him. “It’s fun, I guess. I dunno, it’s just always been a thing for me.”

Riz had nodded, like that proved his point. “Yeah. I’m asexual.”

“Okay.”

Fabian had been to enough of Kristen’s seminars and GSA meetings to know that these sorts of things were all on a spectrum, that some people were asexual and still liked sex and other people were asexual and hated it. It wasn’t really his place to ask, wasn’t really his place to say anything else except for affirmation, but he still opened and shut his mouth enough times for Riz to get the gist.

“I don’t think I’ll ever want it. Ever. It’s just… it makes me uncomfortable just to think about much less. Doing.”

“Okay,” Fabian had said, and then Riz had reached out to grab his hand. Their fingers slipped together easily, Fabian struggled to breath. “Thank you for telling me.”

“Thanks for listening,” Riz had said, and leaned his head against Fabian’s shoulder, and that was that.

Derik was only the second guy Fabian had ever seen Riz date. He was probably only the second guy _period._ Fabian knew there was some sort of aromantic spectrum-thing going on there too, but Riz hadn’t ever put a word to it, comfortable with sticking to gay and ace and queer, and, once again, it wasn’t really Fabian’s place to ask.

There’d been one dude in college, a half elf druid named Petyr that smelled permanently of weed and reminded Fabian too much of Fathethrial to even pretend to like. Riz had told him, after they broke up, that he’d only kissed Petyr once, that he wasn’t really interested in doing much more than that, and Fabian had nodded and said, “Okay,” and had fallen asleep with The Ball curled around his chest.

This kind of sick feeling went beyond the normal jealousy, went beyond the heavy weight Fabian felt every time… a certain name passed his lips. If Derik was… doing things The Ball didn’t like, if he was forcing Riz to kiss him and make out with him horizontally on the couch, then Fabian… Fabian wouldn’t do anything Riz told him not to do, but he would have to do _something._

When he left his room it was dark out and Derik was gone, his stupid little glasses missing from the table and his pile of sudoku books absent from the counter.

Riz was sitting on the floor, taping pieces of evidence for his latest article together. Fabian had always thought how cool it was to see Riz’s brain in action, to see the way individual pieces danced around in his mind until they formed a larger picture. His tongue was stuck out slightly in concentration, cursing as the tape got wrapped up around his too long claws.

“Here, let me,” Fabian said, dropping down into a squat by The Ball and ripping off pieces of tape, laying them on the clippings where Riz pointed.

“Thanks,” Riz said, after a heavy moment of silence, like he was testing the waters.

Fabian scoffed at his tone. “Please, The Ball, there’s no need for that. I’m fine.”

“You put yourself in a time out.”

Another scoff. “I did not. I was giving you and Derik some privacy, in case you wanted to keep playing tonsil hockey.”

Fabian resolutely stared at the floor, fiddling with the corner of one of Riz’s clues.

“You saw?”

“Yeah.”

Riz blew out a breath. “I’m sorry, I try to keep that stuff out of your way. I know he bothers you.”

“Well. Yeah,” Fabian said, and then the urgency from earlier was back. “The Ball?”

“Yeah?”

Fabian looked up to meet his eyes, pulled in a long breath and didn’t track the way Riz’s hair fell in a soft wave over his forehead, the way worry lines had already begun to etch into his brow, the way his lips looked so so soft, the way his eyelashes fluttered. “He isn’t… he isn’t making you do anything you don’t want to do, right?”

Riz blinked. _Those eyelashes._ “No, he isn’t. I want to kiss him, Fabian.”

“And the… and the making out? You want to do that too?”

“Yes.”

“I just wanted to make sure. With Petyr…”

“I know what things were like with Petyr. I still, okay I’m only telling you this because it’s you, but I still don’t want to have sex with him. With anyone. But I actually want to kiss him. That’s the difference between him and Petyr. Derik’s different.”

And he didn’t mean it that way, didn’t mean to compare Derik to Fabian, but what Fabian heard was, “Derik is different _from you._ I want to kiss Derik and let him touch my hair and put my hands on his back because he isn’t _you.”_

Riz must have seen the way he closed off at that, because he reached out his hand and placed it on Fabian’s forearm—small and familiar and Fabian could just picture that same hand on the skin of his back, that same hand pulling him in for a kiss. “Hey, thanks for checking. That’s… I appreciate that a lot, Fabian.”

“It’s no problem, The Ball.”

“I really mean it. I’m glad that you’re here for me.”

Fabian smiled with just one side of his mouth, “Of course, The Ball. I always will be.”

A look came into Riz’s eyes, a look that told Fabian he’d spent more time with Gorgug than before Fabian had left. “I’m not going to leave you for Derik,” he said, hand still on Fabian’s arm. “I like him but I, I love you. You’re my best friend.”

“You’re my,” even after all these years he still choked over it a little, “best friend too, The Ball.” _If only I didn’t want to be the one kissing you. If only I didn’t want you to smile at me like you smiled at him._

The sick feeling was still there, but it was quieter, against the rush that was Riz grinning at him. Wide and toothy and imperfect and _Riz._ “Good. Come on, I made too much pasta. I’ll fix you up a plate.”

“You didn’t burn it, did you?” Fabian asked, standing with Riz and going to the kitchen.

“Oh, haha, very funny. Asshole.” But Riz was still smiling so the insult didn’t hurt at all.

Riz will make Fabian pasta and they’ll have a poking fight in the kitchen until the pasta gets too cold and has to be heated up again. Riz and Fabian will watch the latest episode of the soap opera they both pretend to hate, and then Riz will head off to his room to work some more, and Fabian will head off to his to go to sleep. Fabian will call a goodnight through Riz’s door, and he will get in bed, and he won’t think about what Riz’s skin would feel like, what his lips would feel like, what his hair would feel like. Fabian will get into bed and he won’t have a giant, Derik-sized monster shuffling around in the very pit of stomach, because Derik is just a normal guy and Fabian is Fabian Aramais Seacaster, world renowned adventurer and savior.

But before all that could happen, Riz was bending over to look in the fridge and Fabian was pulling out bowls and they were talking and they were happy.

Fabian could be jealous. He could hate Derik’s guts. But he’d never stop being Riz’s friend. That was one line he refused to be pushed past.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading!! there may be some errors because i wrote this very fast and didn't really edit.
> 
> as with most things kid fic related, this was the brain child of both me and sofi @/capybart. for the amount of lore we have for him, derik deserves more than just a couple of throw away lines in the second fic, and i wanted to provide that lmao
> 
> i'm on tumblr at [labelleofbelfastcity](https://labelleofbelfastcity.tumblr.com/) come say hi!! this is very,, small beans compared to a lot of the other works people are doing for the d20 alphabet but this was super fun to write and i wanted to participate!!


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